Balls-ywood.

Final Scene:

Girl runs from the villains who are convincingly slower than a girl wearing stilettos. Bad guy catches up with the heroine and Kaboooom! Macho Man is here!

Twenty odd minutes of blood curdling screams and swishing of every weapon from guns to swords. With two bullet wounds and a torn T-shirt, the hero kills the villain with one stab of the blunt knife. Hero and heroine reunite. The End. They all lived happily ever after.

Remind you of anything? Every other Bollywood movie perhaps?

Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for all the drama Hindi movies feed us.

I believe that one day a man will love me as much as Shah Rukh loves his heroines. I believe that it's okay to be standing tall after having two beer bottles broken on your head etc.

But Bollywood puts realism to shame. A conversation between Bollywood and Realism would probably be limited to - "RIP, Realism."

What pushed me to write this? Chennai Express. Hands down.

So, you decide to chuck the ashes of the man that raised you in a random creek and skip off to Goa? Okay.

You're taken to Chennai instead, by one girl and her Sumo wrestler brothers? Okay.

She says you're her husband to be and you accept it ever so gracefully despite knowing her father is the Don? Okay.

You get one chance to save your life from the underworld family and you choose to get drunk and do an item number instead? Okay.

You do flee and then you waste petrol worth thousands and come back to the Don and the creepily tall man, both of who want you dead? Okay.

You fight the creepily tall man and his never ending minions for hours on end, have stab wounds, should have a couple of fractures and yet, you can stand on your feet and give a speech about how you love her and run to her and embrace her? You wake up the next morning with nothing but one tiny Band-Aid on your forehead? Okay.

You expect the audience to believe it all and appreciate your cinematography skills? Not okay.

We've grown up. Bollywood needs to too.

Where the ever so long fight scenes maybe entertaining to some, most of us are looking for something that won't put our brains to shame. It's time for Bollywood to stop playing on the emotions of it's audience and create real, believable art that sets those brain cells churning.

At the pace at which the Hindi cinema is going, we'll have the British taking over us all over again.

Bollywood moments in Life.

Come on Bollywood, show us what you got.